life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
