I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize