no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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