You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
