Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
