i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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