i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I want is dick and wine.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
