His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
