I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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