The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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