i just had sex bonerless
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize