Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
