Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
