last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
