did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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