why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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