Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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