the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize