Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
