it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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