We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
