I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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