i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
