I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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