dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
