She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
