I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
