she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
