You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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