I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
