Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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