dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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