There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
