just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
