just come out here and I will go home with you...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
