He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
