so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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