Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
