Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
