I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
