Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
