that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
