suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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