Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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