I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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