Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
