i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
