no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
