you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize