After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
