well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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