Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
