im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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