Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
