I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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