yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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