why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
