Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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