I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
