just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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