I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
