I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
