Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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