plz talk dirty to me
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
