Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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