you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
