If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
