the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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