ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
