My balls are so social today.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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