now i know why i became what i already was.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
