the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize